I can't verify that this occurs to everyone, but there is a point in the New Year where one begins to wonder if they have gotten off on the wrong foot. An early goal has been let in already putting you behind, a sense that perhaps your strategy isn't applicable to the situation a hand, or that you have brought the wrong clothes for your holiday. It is perhaps an irrational feeling (as, one could argue, the whole measurement of one's achievement by calendar year or any year is for that matter), but it plagues one all the same. I suppose one could use it as a barometer of your mental state by the proximity to New Year's you get this feeling. Mid-February and the patient gets a pat on the back versus January 3rd gets you a shakes from the heads of a panel of medical experts. This year, the feeling has come quite early; with the caveat that perhaps it was due to circumstances beyond my control. It is a shaky caveat as we live in a century where self-determination is as strong as the belief in fate, as though you have the Stephen Convey in a fist fight with Neil Gaiman's Destiny. The question of the 21st century is whether your state is your fault or the world's fault (as they didn't answer it in the last century).
December 2010 had considerable promise, but two events conspired against me. The first was illness. There is an irony that for a year where I had been considerably healthy that I should get quite sick when asked by the reverb project (which populated the blog for most of December) what major healing I had done this year. The upshot is that I can discuss what the major healing was (getting for 3 colds in a row-bleck) but it does not seem to weigh up to the down shot. The other event was the lack of Internet access at home. S isn't as concerned about it, but I believe she doesn't have the same relationship with the Interwebs as I do (probably a healthier one, truth be told). The main annoyance with the situation was this blog. I find that writing anything for blog tends to be a nightly affair for me (or put another way, it takes most of the day for me to formulate my thoughts)—so no working modem, no post. Of course one can easily point out that I could have typed by the posts at night and then sneaker network them to work where I could quickly post them, but let's not confuse the issue with facts.
At the end of this rambling, I sit in my computer chair at home, not sick and with a working modem. Right, the first order of business to wrap up the past year (as I am one of those fool's you mark their achievements on the calendar year). The first is a big of house cleaning; which will be done in the form of a lightning round. The Reverb prompts:
www.reverb10.com (the remaining prompts)
December 19th – Healing: As I have already mentioned, I had 3 colds in a row which is not cool.
December 20th —Beyond Avoidance: A tie between learning how to use my camera and making a web comic. I am taking a digital photography course which I'm really enjoying, so I'm halfway there.
December 21st — Good lord, I hope that my future self would have the sense to provide useful, mundane information like, the toilet is going to break if you don't get it fixed now, or what ailments my family members and friends have than can be prevented if got early enough, what books not to read, what show not to watch etc. I know that present me would be annoyed if future me was all new agey or cryptic (that would go for past me if I was going to meet him. Although past me would be very excited that I'm married and have a kid; hopeless romantic that he is).
December 22nd—Didn't go anywhere but we are planning a couple trips for the end of this year into next year. I think they are mostly to warm destinations, but I do need to get to Japan with my brother at some point.
December 23rd —If Science fiction has taught me anything, I am one of an infinite number of Scott Watsons in the Multi-verse. I wear this name with pride. J
December 24th— The moment when I figure something complicated out. It makes one think that you're smart which almost ties the feeling of being loved. How to incorporate into 2011? Keep learning.
December 25th—Er…due to my tendency not to use my digital camera, I don't think I have one. Most of the pictures taken this year were of or with baby Z. I will have to fix this for next year (see comment on digital course above).
December 26th — I try a lot of new food, as S is a vegetarian and I like to cook. Also, I have a rather empirical view of food. I see it as a craft than an art. So I don't really have a soul food just a lot of experiment experiences.
December 27th — reading a book, listening to an interesting podcast.
December 28th —write a novel/collection of short stories. It would be a freeing accomplishment.
December 29th — I will be busier at work as I get more responsibilities and baby Z will present new challenges as she gets older.
December 30th — Digital photography course and my Kobo reader.
December 31st— There is a lot going on in my head, an ocean of stories (a sea of them perhaps?) and what I would like to do is mix it with the world. Art seems to be the route to do it. I just need to work out the balance of observing the world and observing myself.
There we go. I must confess that I don't think this lightning round is in the spirit of the reverb, but I would also argue that the reverb project of a daily complex question kind of goes against the concept of deep personal thought to begin with. I feel that perhaps a more serious approach (a lengthy mediation, hard reading, etc.) would have brought me closer to the desired result.
Right Part one done, next post will be a wrap up of my reading journal.