I must confess that I had forgotten how sleepy, perhaps lethargic is a better word, paternal leave can be. The days do tend to blend together and one's passions and ambitions are forgotten in the volume of time that paternal leave accords. It might be more the fact that children are beings of now, particularly when they are under a year old, and despite one's best efforts you find yourself shrinking your horizon to a couple hours, a day, maybe two, as find yourself more in their world then your own.
Despite these feelings of being too passive (as I often feel when I come to this blog) I have been active to an evolutionary way, allowing small things to accumulate. The value of these changes are a matter of debate, but I will start with the easy one. I have lost weight through a combination of mostly eating at home and the long morning walks I take my son on for his nap. I didn't realize it was happening until my jeans stopped fitting. I have decided to add some upper strength (push up and chin ups) and some yogas to my week to see if I can improve further. This extra energy has been consumed by my children, but there is something satisfying to being able to carry both of them up the stairs without being winded.
I still seem to be obsessed with the Internet, particularly You Tube. A mix of board and video game reviews and playthroughs, courses on history, biology, news and event analysis, long interviews-- these fill the background of my days. I notice that I struggle with silence now, uncomfortable with being alone with my mind. I think I have eluded to the loneliness of paternal leave for men (I am not sure if it is unique to me, but I have read several newspapers essays that share my experience) and this mental tic is likely a cause of it. I believe warmer weather will help with this (if only to make the weather nicer to walk in).
I have started reading again, mostly web articles, which is an effort to rebuild my concentration, which my Internet obsession and various other activities has so greatly destroyed. I have been researching some interesting developments in improving your memory through flash cards, updated into digital forms. They appear to be thoroughly tested methods, so I am giving them a try, once I decided on what I want to memorize...French maybe?
My weekends seem very full, with most of my relaxing happening in the few hours between the kid's bedtime and mine during the week. Doing a little bit of things that will hopefully develop into something.
I think I will leave it there, my rambling shedding of winter blah, ending only with the happy thought that out my sunroom's window new shoots of grass are popping out. Spring is here with all its sunny promises.
S
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